Weekend Musings | September 2024
In my heart and in my cart. And other things.
In my heart -
Last weekend, we celebrated my youngest son’s 8th birthday. He was teary at the end of it - “I don’t want it to be over, mom” he whined before crawling into bed. He promptly fell asleep and now we begin the 365 day countdown to the next birthday. Remember when birthdays felt like that?
We had a gathering of friends and family, a couple bottles of wine for the grown ups and endless pizza for the kids. Balloons everywhere, you know. And then, as mothers do when they get in groups and gather around patio tables, we reminisced about our pregnancies and births. The same stories I’ve heard a hundred times tumbled out (I’ve been hanging out with these moms for a long time, I guess), but we laughed, or shuddered, whichever was necessary, like it was the first time anyway. “Do you want me to play Beyonce?” one husband asked in the middle of a 2-hour push session. “I mean, it was the kindest thing he could think of,” his wife laughed. “But I was pushing out an 8 pound potato and I just needed everyone to shut the fuck up.”
We nodded. We laughed. I thought back to a memory eight years ago, after my son was born and everyone descended on my home the following weekend. Largely the same group that was sitting with me now. How we held him and what he wore and how it was cold that weekend. September is fickle. Today it was 87 degrees. Eight years ago, maybe 50 degrees? I don’t know, but all the pictures show us in flannel and long sleeves. The trees coloring in the background.
I went to bed with the same feeling my son had - I don’t want it to be over. The part where I’m the mom and the kids are little. And yet, my youngest baby is eight and we are creeping further and further from those memories. I’m heartened that my mother-in-law, as well as my step-mother-in-law, were part of the group of ladies perched up outside with me, and they both cheerfully added their stories to the mix. Can we ever be so removed from birthing our babies to not remember it with crystal clarity? I bet not. But still, it feels…..wistful, I guess that those years of my life slipping further and further in the past.
No further notes. I’m up in my feelings. Raising kids is bittersweet and birthdays are happy/sad. Grateful to have a healthy kiddo and frankly, big kids are easier than babies, but what I wouldn’t do to have one day to live in the past. To walk into a room and find a baby with chubby arms, reaching for me from a crib. To be nap trapped and think oh shoot, I guess I’ll just watch an other episode seeing as how I can’t get up from the couch anyway. And maybe even nurse in the middle of the night. The me from eight years ago would rage at the current me for having such a wish, but just once? Yes please.
***
In my cart -
+Aerie Cloud Fleece Set. Sweatpants and crewneck, obviously - but a miniskirt! This covers all the seasons. Sold.
+Purses on my fall wishlist: This preppy Boden (I have it in other color ways, so I know it’s a slam-dunk). This J Crew sort-of bucket bag. And this slouchy number from Anthropologie.
+Immediately recreating this whole get-up, that I most definitely wore in high school. Denim mini + crewneck + riding boots.
+Color Wow Dream Coat. You know it. It’s everywhere and I finally fell into the trap laid by influencing crowd. I just got the travel sized version in the mail and am currently test driving.
+These jeans (!!!). I keep telling myself no more jeans, Jen. And yet.
Other things.
+ 1 in 10 moms regret the name they chose for their baby. This sparked some interesting conversation over on Substack. The general consensus was most regret arose from choosing a name that wound up becoming very popular, and bummer because it’s so hard to foresee that kind of thing. Roughly four years after my last baby was born, there was a popular book that came out in which one of the primary characters shared a name with my son and I was a little nervous it would take off. Luckily that didn’t happen! I still love his name so much.
+The Bridesmaid to Ex-Best Friend Pipeline. Okay, I can see it. Some gals fully lose their mind during wedding planning!
+ Romanticizing September. A really wonderful and cozy read. It made me so excited for the cooler weather!