Weekend Musings | February 22, 2025
In my heart and in my cart + other things.
In My Heart -
I think I’m going through something. Merging into the left lane and putting my foot on the gas (I said I wasn’t doing that this year!). I don’t necessary want to, but maybe the car in front of me has been moving too slowly. I don’t know, but something is igniting a desire to change course, and quickly.
A little more than 10 years ago, at the absolute peak of my youthful hubris, believing I was capable of anything, I quit a very good job, packed all my stuff and moved 3 hours away to start a new life. An intentional shift into the left lane, and boy did I have to go through it.
There were a lot of bumps and potholes in the first stretch. I got a new job and immediately hated it. Cried every day. Went through it. But eventually things leveled out. The road smoothed, if you will.
During those early years, I became an entirely different person and not necessarily for the better either, developing things like an anxiety I’d never experienced and coping mechanisms that still don’t serve my goals. I frankly lost my confidence, but also learned some humility. I grew up. I shed that hubris like you would not believe, and I’ve settled into adulthood. I think I learned a few things during that time and now I am far less risky. I am positively addicted to security. Which is perhaps why I am still at that job that made me cry every day. Still makes me cry, actually. I rage-cried in the car this morning.
But it’s there again. “Blow up your life,” the voice whispers. “You can do anything.”
Okay lol, that last bit isn’t true. There is no part of my inner voice that believes I can do anything anymore. I’ve adulted past that, but I am unsatisfied with my current circumstances. I’m feeling as though my day-to-day strategies for coping through a challenging career and motherhood and being a wife and keeping a home don’t match up to my priorities for those things. A couple of days ago, on my drive into work, I thought “thank heavens it’s almost Friday” and immediately felt sad. Am I wishing away the days of my 30s? Wishing away the days while my kids are young? Ope! You guessed it. I cried again.
See what I mean? I’m going through something.
The truth of things like this, particularly in reference to writing about it, is that I can’t finish these thoughts with a happy ending just yet. I have to go through it and maybe have a chapter of resolution in a few months. Or barf, in a few years. But there’s something to be said to knowing that you’re in it. I’m going through something and I’ll come out the other side eventually. I’m working on it. No hubris this time. No impulsive choices. Just going through it.
I’m curious - how do you shake yourself out of a funk?
In My Cart -
Coping mechanisms, baby.
+ Things with labels on them. I grew up in the graphic t-shirts era, so announcing my likes to the world is so natural to me. I like the Spice Girls, and carbs, and also Stanley Tucci.
+ Related: I am salty and I like to dilly dally.
+ Okay, this is a surprise. I picked up this $11 candle at Walmart the other day and it’s a banger. Burns evenly and really fills a room with scent. Good size too. I got Firewood & Spice and it smells vaguely Christmas-like. You know, warm and cozy.
+ Thinking about spring and summer already, because it’s the only thing getting me through right now. My ride-or-die sandals from J Crew Factory finally restocked. I wear these daily, no lie.
+ Related: This linen mini and this maxi in three very good color ways are also in my dream summer closet.
+ Some Target spring finds: a cool picture to hang on the wall, a hat to declare my other love, and some colorful (and inexpensive!) taper candle holders.
Other Things -
+Did you watch SNL 50? I thought I’d watch in chunks because the special was 3+ hours, but it was so freaking good, I crushed in one night. So well done. Such good skits. I was surprised not to see Chevy Chase in any sketches, but the return of Domingo made up for it. Adam Sandler was funny and emotional. Seeing him pause for a second after saying Farley’s name put an instant lump in my throat. Eddie Murphy was there! I would have liked a Justin Timberlake/Andy Samberg reunion, but we can’t have everything. We do have pictures of the afterparty though, and that’s something!
+About to start reading this. Am I 27 years late? You betcha!
+Oh fun! What is one luxury you’d never go without if you were loaded? For me, it’s brand new books. fancy coffees and someone to setup and takedown my Christmas decorations.
PS -
Michigan, in four months. Please, I beg! But in the meantime, really trying to see the good.
The last set of weekend musings.
Substack! Where I diligently hit publish every single Friday.