Very Lazy Girl Skincare
I do the absolute least, tbh.
I remember my very first expensive skincare purchase circa 2011ish. And I mean, this is before skincare really took off. There was no Drunk Elephant and tweens were not investing their babysitting money in retinol. I’d never even heard of retinol. I’m not even sure I consistently washed my face, but I know for sure there was a jar of Noxema on my bathroom vanity. On this important day, I was on vacation in Phoenix, Arizona, delirious with the vacation vibes and ready to throw some money around. I was 23 or maybe 24, and look, my skin was perfect because that’s just how 20-something skin works. Maybe some acne or whatever, but wrinkles? No.
That first purchase was a complete set of the Hope in a Jar from Philosophy and man did that feel like a grown up lady purchase.. It kickstarted a real obsession with noticing my skin, and happily, I started wearing sunscreen, so it had it’s place in my life.
My 30’s came with kids and no sleep and a full-time job that stresses me the eff out, and actual lines started appearing on my forehead. I continued to throw money at the problem as it increased and by last year, I had a few different retinol droppers on the shelf, yet no holy grail that made any real different in my opinion.
I like to test drive a new hype-y product, and I’m very susceptible to influencer marketing, so I’ve done the INN Beauty cream. I’ve got the Clarins Cryo Freeze mask. Peace Out Retinol Serum Stick? Got her. My vanity is a graveyard of trendy products that kind of left me disappointed, and you guys know this - they’re not cheap. And in my opinion, “not cheap” has no business being “eh”. I need to see a miracle for my $100.
Then I got botox and the light shone down from the heavens.
***
In April 2024, I was feeling pretty bad for myself. I guess I didn’t/don’t think 35 is old enough to really feel like I look old and when even the IG filters weren’t kindly smoothing those lines, I felt victimized. I made a spontaneous decision to get botox from an office recommended by a friend, and fell immediately in love.
If we’re talking bang for one’s buck, botox is it. For a gal who’d thrown hundreds of dollars at these forehead lines, it was amazing to finally see results. Botox isn’t a bargain - for the amount I get, I spend about $375 every 3-4 months - but arguably I’ve spent just as much money on topicals that don’t do anything. Now that I have the forehead lines taken care of, I don’t have to buy expensive products with promises that don’t deliver. Enter my very lazy skincare era. I love it here.
I focus my attention on three things: being clean, being moisturized, and being protected from the sun.
Step 1: Being Clean
I wash my face with La Roche Posay Foaming Cleansing Oil.
I use Micellar Water to remove mascara. I’m pretty unfussy about the brand. Per Kourtney Kardashian, they’re all the same and she makes a fairly reasonable case for why she should know. Anyway, I usually have the Garnier brand because it’s available everywhere and not expensive.
Occasionally I swipe The Ordinary Glycolic Acid over my face for a chemical exfoliant. I swear this cleans out my pores and make me look lit from within, but for the love of God, do not over use this. Maybe once or twice a week. You do not need to remove layers, okay?
Step 2: Being Moisturized
At night, I don’t fuck around. I go straight to this giant vat of NIVEA. This is controversial, but it works for me. I slather it on and wake up dewy. This is not a coincidence. Plus they sell these tiny little tins of the stuff that you can put in every bathroom, bag, and coat pocket so you’re never without. Winter skin requires this application morning and night.
In the AM, The Ordinary Moisturizer + HA does the trick. I attribute healing a dry skin patch on my cheek to this stuff, and have been committed ever since. It’s a bargain and it works.
Step 3: Being SPF’d
Find an SPF you like enough that you’ll wear it everyday without thinking twice. I like bougie stuff like Vacation Brand because it makes me feel like Pam Anderson in Baywatch when I apply it. See? Spark joy and it’ll be easy. For my face, I am deeply loyal to SunBum Glow 30 because it’s sort of shimmery and makes the nicest base for my make-up. On the weekends, I wear it alone with mascara and call it a day. It really brightens the skin and so the fact that it also screens the sun? A bonus.
And that’s that. My skincare routine is literally 3 steps, and honestly? If I don’t wear makeup and haven’t left the house, I’ll skip washing my face at night and let my skin marinate in its own natural oils. I swear, this is key.